never say bye

enter to the world of foolishness

072412
hikaru yaotome
daichin
I just fucking deactivated my account so that I can escape for a while. Sorry.
I will never unfriend or block you unless you asked me to. 

I don't/I can't/I won't erase people in my life that easily, especially when I had a lot of good memories with them. Sure I had problems with my other friends before too.. but that doesn't mean I don't want them in my life anymore. Problems may always come along the way - but it'll make you stronger and wiser. 

In this situation I fully understand what you mean. Masyado kasi akong naging komportable sayo, ang kapal ng muka ko.
And for that, I am really sorry. 
For me, this kind of problem is just like the ones I have before. I know things will go back to normal again. You're just mad. It will go away soon.

But I am wrong. You're too mad that you want to delete me in your life too. But it's fine, I understand. I will return the things I borrowed even if you do that.

P.S.:
I can unfriend you, but I can never block you. Sorry if you asked me to block you, I won't do it. Block me instead if you wish. 
This entry was originally posted at http://wingardium-mauricia.dreamwidth.org/19987.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
I can't blame you if you already have enough of the troubles I caused you. I understand your feelings, and I am sorry for making you feel that way. I also respect whatever your decisions will be in that matter. 

2 years ago, I witnessed how you managed to stand up even the people around you are jerks and bullshits. And because of that I admired you, and I started dreaming of becoming your friend. There come a time that I felt you dnt like me, I still forced myself on you.
That's why I gave you kumo no yuri's. That's the first time you hugged me, I was shocked I didn't know you're doing silly stuffs like that too.

Anyway I am just saying this to let you know why I wanted you to become my friend. And because of that, I don't want to hurt you anymore.

There is one thing I need to confess to you before we go in different paths.

I consulted a friend when I saw your wallpost. And that I said to him, "My definition of having a best friend is way too selfish." Akala ko pwedeng ako lang ng ako, hindi pala pwede yun. May sarili ka nga rin palang buhay. I've only realized it now. Sorry for abusing your kindness. 
Then my friend told me, "pwede naman yun e. kung talagang close kayo." It is clear to me that this is not the right answer to my questions. Sorry Friend! But in someway, he has a point.

Dear, I just realized that I cannot drink even just a can of beer with you. You'll hate that. What else would've happen if I asked you to drink tequila with me. I cannot do that to you. You haven't heard the story of my exes. There is a lot of things I haven't told you because I am too afraid that you will never look at me the way you looked at me before. My point is we both don't know each other yet.

I think being a bestfriend is quite a hard job. Remember you asked me why I don't want a boyfriend? This. This is a very good example of the reason why I don't want a boyfriend. I don't know how to handle relationships. I am too irresponsible and immature when it comes to these things. Sorry. But I hope we can still be friends someday. :D

P.S:
Dear, I am one of the things you don't deserve.

This entry was originally posted at http://wingardium-mauricia.dreamwidth.org/19742.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

4 ways to love, first step
hikaru yaotome
daichin
My bestfriend bought a book about love and it has to do something with a step by step procedures blablabla. 
I can't deny I want to try it too.. also, since she often joins me whenever I do crazy stuffs so.. it's payback time :)

The first step is about writing all the characteristics of your ideal boyfriend (damn I hate that word. so awkward.)
I won't add the details, she'll kill me. XD Since one of the instructions is that I need to send it to the world. Hmm. So I thought I should post it here and do the tagging. tag tag tag tag! So ppl will see it in google imgs. Okayyyy so here it goes... 


how to love, what a girl wants
LOL so sorry i don't have adobe ps here in my laptop so i jst hafta use photoscape. Sorry it looks so lame -_____-

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
Grabe salamat. Pasado na ko sa lahat this term :)))))

Medyo mamaya ko na siguro ipopost yung gusto kong sabihin. Nawala ako sa mood eh. Haha! Magmula ngayon ppilitin ko na ulit magenglish sa mga entry ko. Pkiramdam ko kase nawalan na ako ng intelek sa english. Nung huling nagreport ako sa SS ni isang english word walang pumasok sa isip ko kahit nakasulat na sya sa kodigo ko. Gusto ko kasing maging natural, ung kunyare kausap ko lang si prof at sila classmates, kaya mas maganda kung hindi ako mabubulol eh ewan ko hindi lang siguro ako prepared. Pero never naman kasi ako naging prepared. HAHA! pinagaaralan ko lang kasi kung ano isasagot ko hindi kung paano ako sasagot. Anyway.. maiba, ayung na nga! Susubukan ko ng magenglish. Siguro ung sinsabi kong madrama kong post englishin ko. Hohohoho.

Punta pa ko school mayamaya. Grabeeeee goodluck sakenn. :D

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
ISA PO AKONG SELOSA.

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
Sorry kung hindi ko pa naaupdate tong journal ko, kasi nakalagay padin sa about me ko "fangirl". Imma update it sooon.

Ayun. Nung isang araw pa ko may gustong sabihin Dear LJ. Kaso nakakalimutan ko pag nakkita ko fb ng crush ko. Nyahaha! Siguro ipopost ko nalang yung dramang yun pagtapos ko magenroll or makita grades ko. :))

Nakakabadtrip. Ewan ko ba. Suwail lang talaga siguro akong anak. Pero kasi pag nainis ako hindi na po ako nabibili ng kahit ano. Naalala ko lang dati nung sinusumpong ako nung bata ako, tapos ung mga tito at tita kasama ni mama ibibili na daw ako ng power rangers action figures sabi ko ayaw ko kahit gusto ko talaga, lakas ng topak e, may S. Ewan ko basta alam ko sa sarili ko kahit gano ko kagusto un di padin ako matutuwa. Hahaha! Lalo pa kong maasar. Hindi naman kasi ako ganun kababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Anyway. Wala lang nabadtrip lang talaga ako. Okay Goodbye. See you soon!

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
Wala. Natripan ko lang naman na istalk ng major major ang profile. Pati buhay niyo ng ex mo nahalungkat ko pa. Wahahaha.
Major major procrastination na to, hindi pa ko gumagawa ng homework sa math13. Ehh ewan ko. Nakaktamad. Mapeperfect ko naman un pag sinipag ako! HAHAHAHAHAH! :)))))) Baka mamaya sipagin na ko, mapeperfect ko na. Tae feel ko para akong lalake magblog. Pero anyway. this is me this is real.. ika nga ni Enrique Gil sa commercial ng Sprite "eto ako eh" 

E ayun na nga. Natripan kong magstalk. At napatunayan ko sa sarili kong hindi talaga ako feeler! Totoo ang mga nakkita ko at hindi ako nagiilusyon lang.
Classmate ko kasi si Voldemort dba nga nung 2nd term. E nung sinabi nung kaibigan ko na kantahin ko daw yung flavor of life (ost ng hana yori dango) kasi lagi ko daw yun kinakanta (e ang alam ko, wala nmn akong kinakanta na kanta ni Utada Hikaru sa school.) tapos ginatungan pa ng kaibigan ko na katabi naman ni Voldemort na maganda daw boses ko (e syempre pa-kebs nya lang yon para lang din siguro mapansin ako ni Voldemort. tengene kinikilig akooooo!) Tapos pagkatapos nilang sabihin yunnnn nakita kong tumingin siya sakin kasi tumingin din ako sakanya!!!!!! :> e kasi nga dba katabi nya ung kausap ko so may chance akong pumuslit ng tingin. EHHHHH. syempre binaliwala ko lang yung tingin nyang parang naamaze na kinakanta ko yung flavor of life.. inisip ko nalang na napatingin sya sakin kasi nga tumingin ako sakanya. 

PERO NAPROVE KO NGAYON NGAYON LANG MGA 5MINS AGO? NA HINDI TLGA AKO FEELER AT NAAMAZE TALAGA SYANG ALAM KO YUNG FLAVOR OF LIFE. (kahit nung mga panahong un hnd ko pa alam lyrics XD) BAKIT AKO NAGING SURE NA SURE? KASI UNG EX NYA PALANG PINAKAMAMAHAL NYA SA LAHAT NG NAGING EX NYA MAHILIG SA HANA YORI DANGO. HUTAENA D KO ALAM KUNG MATTUWA AKO O HINDI. yoko na nagugutom tuloy ako. hnd ako inaantok pero gsto na ng katawan ko matulog. Paano na math13? hindi na ko maggising neto. Siguradong wala din sagot ung kasama kong walang kwenta kasama. HAHAHAHAHA. shet lang talagaaaa. More to come. sa pgkakatanda ko tatlong beses niya ko tinignan eh.
O sya ung isa nabigyan ko na ng meaning. Basta yun yon. Naalala nya ex nya. Saklaaaaaap! NAGUGUTOM AKO LALOOOO!

Sige naa wala na akong caffeine supply, kailangan ko na ulit pakiligin sarili ko para d ako makatulog hangga't wala pa kong nggawang HW sa math13. 

050612
hikaru yaotome
daichin
Alam mo kung magaling ka talaga, hindi mo naman na yon kailangan ipagmalaki! Bakit ba ang yabang mo? gusto mo magkaron ng fans? Hindi mo ba alam na lalo kang mawawalan ng taong hahanga sayo dahil sa kahambugan mo! Kasi ganon nmn talaga yyun ehh. Hindi yun sa pagiging mabait o humble or whatever, kasi kung magaling ka na.. okay so anong bago? regular ka o ngayon? :))) Gaya ng sinabi ko, hindi mo naman kelangan ipalantsakan sa madla na magaling ka kasi lalo ka lang nagmumukang cheap. Sa totoo lang natatawa ako sayo, naawa din ako sayo. At sa sobrang galit ko naiiyak ako sayo, mixed emotions. Nakakabaliw.
Oo matalino ka. Pero you're just book-smart. Grabe hindi ko alam kung alam mo ba talaga ibig sabihin ng salitang mature. Hindi ko sinasabing mature ako. Pero inaamin ko, na tama lang ang mga kinikilos at ginagawa ko para sa age ko. Hindi childish. Hindi mature. Kaya hindi ako pumapatol sa ka-childish'an mo. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ako nagpapaapekto e, pero ang alam ko lang na dahilan kum bakit ko to pinopost e dahil sa galit ako dahil naoffend ako. Tangina. Akala mo lagi akong gv? Kung sobrang taas ng expectation ng parents mo, ganun din sakin. At ganun din sa lahat. Gago mo. Wala kang isip. Kung hindi ka lang book-smart maiisip mo to eh, isipin mo, nappressure ka kahit regular ka pa e papaano pa kaming hindi?

At nahiya naman ako sa panglalait mo ng archi lettering ko ha? if I know dre, if I knowww! :))))))))) akala mo lang maganda ung lettering mo sa plates mo. Masama ako? Maldita? HAHA! E sa binabalik ko lang naman kung ano pinaparamdam sakin ng tao.
Hindi kita pinaplastik. Hindi kita binaback-stab! Una, pinakikisamahan kita, Kahit winawalanghiya mo ako okay lng sakin kasi ganun ka lang talaga, pero pag wala akong gnagawa sayo at nanahimik ako wag mo kong wawalanghiyain. Baka minsan hindi ako makapagpigil at masapak kita. 
Sunod, hindi kita binaback-stab. Sadyang first time kong magalit ng sobra na naiyak ako at kelangan ko ng comfort ng mga kaibigan kaya ko sinasabi sakanila. Lahat sila nagoffer na gagantihan ka nila. Wag kang magalala, sabi ko pabayaan ka nalang nila.

Pero alam mo, sobrang laking kasalanan kasi neto eh, magalit sa isang tao kasi sa totoo lang angsarap mo talagang saksakin. Akala ko pa naman may takot ka sa Creator. Bakit parang wala kang moral? Parang hindi ka edukado, mahilig ka lang yumabang ng yumabang para ipagmalaking marami kang alam. 

At ayon hindi ako nagsimba ngayon kasi hindi pa ko nagkukumpisal at alam ko kasing mgkakasala pa ko ulet dahil galit na galit padin ako sayo. Sa totoo lang kinasusuklaman kita. Sarap mong durugin! Tadtadin ng pinong pino. Masakit ba? Aktwali ganyan din nararamdaman ko ehh.

At tska okay lang naman sakin un e, malay ko ba kung nadala ka lang ng conversation mo, at ng imosyon mo kaya hindi mo napigilang ipagmalaki na regular ka. Okay lang SANA, kaso alam mo yun nabadtrip na ko, hindi ka man lang nagparamdam na nakokonsensya ka na at nahihiya ka lang magsorry. E hindi eh, makapal talaga muka mo at proud ka sa ginagawa mo. I wonder kung paano ka pa nakaktulog kahit 30 mins lang. 

HINDI MO BA NAIINTINDIHAN TEH?! Kung maraming galit at may ayaw sayo! Baka ikaw ang mali! Magisip isip ka naman. Potangina oh!

(no subject)
hikaru yaotome
daichin
So today's Friday the 13th and North Korea's rocket launching failed.

But I thought, since the launching was a failure.. this will start a new fire. I mean North Korea hurt their pride, they wanted to deliver to us that that they are powerful and yet such a shame they just failed to do it. And so I am being hysterical, thinking that they probably launch another one next time, a real one to prove us that they really have the power, so we won't laugh at them.

Funny, I don't trust USA or any country's protection. I mean, they might save us. But how? What will they want us to do in return?
If that N.Korea's rocket was launched successfully what could've happen? What if it's not really a satellite and it is really a missile that will hit the Philippines? South Koreans and Japanese forces planned to blow any flying object/s that will hit their vicinity. BUT HOW ABOUT US? WE DON'T HAVE SUCH TECHNOLOGY. WE CAN'T SAVE OURSELVES. WE CAN'T PROTECT OUR OWN LAND.

I don't believe on the 2012-end-of-the-world-thingy, but I'm afraid that I am having this feeling that there will be a WW3 this year. 

North Korea's next launch hitting the Philippines, thousand deaths, UN getting mad at N.K, U.S. bombing NK for revenge, Japan and S.K getting ready battle, China bombing U.S back then the whole world will participate. For a third country like us, what will happen? Our lives might be saved, we might live, we might be safe.. but we will never stop owing something to the other countries. 
I know I'm being too imaginative but I have to write these down so that I can calm myself.

The point is, WE CAN'T STAND ALONE WITHOUT OTHERS HELP. I mean, ofc even if we are wealthier we still need help but we don't have to cling on them too much.. WHY ARE WE BEING INDEPENDENT? It's because of those corrupt politicians and corrupt government, and yes I will never stop throwing them all the blame until they change. I believe they will. But I might die hating them too. FOR THOSE CORRUPTS, YOUR MONEY AND YOUR ARROGANCE WILL NEVER SAVE YOU IF THE COUNTRIES START TO THROW MISSILES TO EACH OTHER. HAVING MONEY TO FEED YOUR FAMILY IS ENOUGH! I KNOW MY COUNTRY IS RICH! WE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE OUR MONEY WELL.


/and now I feel so horrible, my hands are trembling because the person that I am pointing out on my last entry PMed me. So I have to end this. DAMN I CAN'T CALM MYSELF. I. AM. TOO. AFRAID

Anyway thanks for reading. I am not being patriotic at all. For the thousandth time, I AM JUST TRYING TO CALM MYSELF. I have ADHD.. that's a joke :D

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend
hikaru yaotome
daichin
I GET SO DEPRESSED WHENEVER I VIEW YOUR PROFILE. But I always want to see how're you doing. I want to delete you! But I can't!!!!! WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND DELETE ME INSTEAD? YOU KNW WHO YOU ARE! SINCE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME AWAY.
THERE'S NO REASON TO BE FRIENDS IN A SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE IF WE'RE NOT REALLY FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE IS THERE? I DON'T DESERVE TO BE YOUR FRIEND. And you don't want to get hurt anymore. You get too tired easily. But I'm tired too, because you gave up on me and maybe that's what you really want. Maybe you really don't want me as a friend. I can't read your mind. You're unpredictable! My little powers don't work on you. But I'll tell you, if the situation will be REVERSED I will forgive you! Because I will always look on the past and remember how you always helped me, how you helped me to be in your review class for UPCAT, when you gave me red spider lilies you bought in ebay, how you helped me to cosplay. WELL I WISH EVERYTHING COULD BE REVERSED! SO THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE EASY. Look I am not rubbing the things that I did for you, because the truth is, I did it all for myself, to satisfy myself because I always want to impress you! I always want to make you happy! And when you asked me if I can be your bestfriend, it made me really happy. AND I'M REALLY SORRY FOR BREAKING MY PROMISE AND MADE YOU FEEL UNIMPORTANT! I HOPE YOU'RE GETTING MY POINT HERE. Well I understand you if you hate me. Anyway, "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend"

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